Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Divorce
Why is it that someone lives with someone 30 plus years and then decides to get a divorce? Were the same problems there at 5, 10 even 15 years? Do you stay together for the sake of the kids, economic reasons, fear of being alone? What finally pushes you to the point of divorce? Did you not grow together all those years or did you grow apart?
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3 comments:
I believe people stay together that long and then divorce because they either ignore or deny the issues they have, for various reasons. Then when those reasons finally lose their validity, the couple can no longer stay together.
OR
when you've spent 30 years commited to someone and finally realize that your time on earth is finite and don't want to be treated like crap anymore, you leave in the hopes that the rest of your life may be spent with either peace in your life by yourself, or peace with someone who truly loves you. I think some fear being alone more than anything and it forces them to stay with someone they don't love.
I truly believe it's always best to be honest with yourself and your spouse about your expectations about the marriage, and remain commited to following through with those expectations. Marriage can sometimes be really damn hard but you should NEVER sacrifice who you are, or what you want, for that other person (or the marriage). Compromise yes, sacrifice no.
If you can't tell, I have lots of thoughts on the matter :). I have spent many hours pondering the whole divorce issue because of a recent rash of divorces in my circle of friends and family. I absolutely believe that you should give your marriage every chance to survive the long haul, but quite another to let a marriage drag you through a life of unhappiness. No spouse should have that right.
But wait...are you talking about you and Dad??? Is there something you aren't telling us??
Not unless she is planning something without my knowledge... are you?
I'm not sure whether I agree or disagree with you Kelli.
I think that when you stand before God and man and take a vow that you will stay with a person "through good times and bad, for better, for worse, in sickness and in health, till DEATH do us part", that is what you should do.
To me unfaithfullness and abuse are about the only true reasons for divorcing that person.
I think that today, most people who are unhappy in their marriage are unhappy because they expect that their entire marriage will be all romance and lust like when they first get together. Don't expect it to be that way, don't be unhappy when it is not and be committed to your vows. I think most of them are just unhappy. They aren't happy with their jobs, house, cars, etc so they too quickly abandon them for greener pastures that don't exist.
I know it's hard for most people to accept or understand, but I am not always an easy person to live with. But your mother meant what she said when we got married and has stayed with me. Not because it was always easy, but she was committed.
I think that today too many easily toss away what they have in search of something they will never find.
While I agree with the lack of effort most seem to be putting into their marriages, I think you have to be careful about saying that unfaithfulness and abuse are the only true reasons for divorce. What about when one person is willing to work at it and the other is not? That doesn't make for a fulfilling life for that person who is willing to work at it. Why should one of them suffer with a marriage that isn't satisfying or fulfilling, just because of the vows? And like Mom's post, should they suffer for 20, 30 years before saying they deserve better? I think not.
I STRONGLY believe that some real honest effort needs to be made at saving a marriage before giving up. Trust me, ask Joe, I have ranted about it a time or two :). But if that's done and the marriage is still not one about honesty and respect, whatever the reasons, then they should divorce.
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